It’s okay to not have it all figured out!

Let me begin by saying that I’m a 26 yr old Doctor from India aspiring to work in the UK soon ⌛. You might be thinking, now that I’ve completed my undergrad and I am a professional, I must have it all figured out. Well, I don’t ❗ I still don’t know which department to specialize in. And as a matter of fact, I don’t think any adult has it laid out. We all assume that once we turn 18, our life will automatically be thought out and put together. Surprise surprise, it’s not ❗ It’s more or less the same as when I was a teen, probably a bit harder with the decision makings. I guess our lives are full of trials and errors where you figure out what works for you best and what doesn’t as time passes by ⌛. For instance, I wanted to become a Company Secretary, something to do with accounts till around the age of 17, and had everything prepared and ready for it, but look at where I ended up. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not complaining. I’m happy 😀 about the way things worked out and where in my life I am today.

The pressure that we face as kids is quite stressful 😰, whether it’s from school, family,  or just some random distant relatives (if we let it get to us). The major culprit always being ‘comparison’, it’s always ‘how he/she did better in this than you'. The fact that we were taught to believe unless you have a clear vision planned out and time-lined, you’re not going to succeed is so unfair 😞. The amount of mental stress it puts on us is enormous. It’s more or less like random people have thought about how your life is going to turn out without even considering what you want, and it’s usually the classic lullaby, ‘Graduate 🎓 by 24, get married at 26, and have kids before 30’ ❗ Not everyone wants this in life and I feel these are too unreasonable to even attain, at least for the few of us who have some major family responsibilities and no clue as to where we are headed. Just because these so-called relatives are older 🤶, doesn’t mean they are any wiser. The point being, you need to wait for your big break ❗ It’s possible that you haven’t found your calling even at the age of 40 after already taking up an unhappy office desk job. And that’s okay ❗ It’s probably that one creative reel you see on Instagram or an inspirational quote from some go-to mantra book that’s gonna spruce up your life. Not to sound cliché, but Samuel L. Jackson found his big break in Hollywood at the age of 43 and so did Colonel Sanders, the classic timeless logo and owner of KFC, a billion-dollar fast-food company, franchised his company at the age of 62. So you get it right ❓ Don’t fall prey when someone else puts a limitation on what you can do. Just because they have achieved it much sooner than you have, doesn’t mean that you won’t get there.

Now, when I say it’s okay to not have it figured out, I don’t mean that you need not think at all of what you want to do or achieve, that’s just blatantly ignorant ❗ What I mean is, you at least need to think about where you see yourself down the road in five years and work towards it and it doesn’t matter if your goals keep changing. What’s stopping most people might be the fact that what they like and makes them happy is considered a hobby and not a mainstream profession. I get it, it’s easy for me to say to break all stereotypes and follow what your heart wants 💕, but I hope you realize that no amount of self-sacrifice will give you the happiness that you deserve. We are now in a time where a content creator on a social media platform 📱, a professional sleeper, a full-time Netflix viewer, etc. are also considered professions, so you never know,  things may change and earn you a living if you just go forward with what you want. If you aren’t satisfied with the job you’ve taken up or the degree that you’re pursuing, you have the right to go ahead and change it and not pay heed to the society that stops you from doing so. Just have the realization that this uncertainty is temporary ⌛ and never stop focusing on your final goal, which could be even happiness and freedom. The path may seem unfamiliar with a lot of ups and downs and relatively new things at different levels, and you’re definitely bound to be upset 😞 and scared,  and that’s alright because you’ve never done this before. But what you have got to remember is to take it all in, compare the pros and cons of each decision, rectify your previous mistakes, own up to them, learn from them, and don’t commit them again, and that’s growth ❗ No one can ever pan out your life for you and lead you to it. You need to make sense out of it and understand what suits you best. It can be uncomfortable to push ourselves beyond the cozy bubble that we are in, but that’s just the leap we have to take, because you won’t know if you don’t do it. You may not succeed at first, but you can definitely learn from it and rationalize whether this is what you want or not. This is definitely a good thing as you might just end up understanding how much strength you have from within to face up to the ‘not so right decision at the moment’ you made.

To the group of people who fail to realise the fact that we are humans, I just want to stress that we are not perfect ❌. We can manage to be perfectionists, yes, but that doesn’t mean that we can be in control of everything in our lives. Just take the ongoing COVID-19 Pandemic as an example, it has brought uncertainties to the lives  of many people out there causing hindrances to their plans and execution. Just for reference, let’s talk about how the pandemic affected my life. I had it all planned out, right from my IELTS (English language exam) in 2019, graduation in Jan 2020, PLAB1 📃 (the UK licensing exam for international doctors)in March 2020, PLAB2 📃 in August  2020 and start working as a Doctor in the UK by Jan 2021. It’s now June 2021 📅 and I’m still here in India, away from my family who lives in Kuwait whom I’ve not seen in 2 years 📅. Yes, I’m done with my PLAB1 as planned, but I’m yet to sit PLAB2 and it has already been postponed twice due to the travel restrictions in place. Initially, I was under a lot of stress, I had to relocate to a new place and start working because I couldn’t stay unemployed nor did I know how long it would be until I could go to the UK to take my exam 📃. I also have some financial responsibilities as my parents are about to retire and I can’t depend on them for financial support (if you don’t know, the salary of a Junior Doctor in Kerala, India is not sufficient to fund the trip to the UK to sit the PLAB Exam 📃). There were so many decisions to be made, whether I had to take up a job in India or Kuwait, where would I live, the expiry of my IELTS, applying for a visitor visa to sit the PLAB2 amidst the pandemic, etc. In the end, I did take up a job in India as it was more flexible in case things got better, enabling me to travel; my IELTS validity did expire and I have booked to sit another one this month, which it turns out I didn’t have to do, as the GMC (General Medical Council) has now extended the validity of IELTS for another year. So you guys get the point right ❓ Live in freedom, know for a fact that nothing is certain, and there may be unexpected twists coming your way, whether they be good or utterly useless.

Lastly, never ever limit yourself. I know you may be thinking that society has its preconceived notions that are so outdated, but also remember that the upcoming generation are influencing us and our elders, showing us what is wrong ❌ and right ✅ about some of the ideologies that we were stuck upon. I also understand getting intimidated by colleagues or friends achieving greater things before us, but you should believe in yourself and not question your skills. Rather, take the opportunity to ask these friends and colleagues how they reached their goal and be motivated by it. If you feel that you aren’t in a happy place, you need to get out of it because you deserve it ❗ As for me, for now, I just know that I want to be working in the UK 🏥. I still haven’t decided which area I want to specialize in, I do have two departments in mind but I’m counting on making an informed decision based on experience once I start working as a non-trainee in the UK. I also do know for a fact that I want to have some sort of side hustle other than my professional career 🏥 to keep things fun and relaxed. I haven’t had a chance to decide anything about that, but it would be either dance classes (I’m a trained Bharatnatyam Indian Classical Dancer) or something to do with tidying up and getting organized ( I’m obsessed with these two, it makes me calm and excited at the same time).

So let me end by saying that every individual is unique and has a different approach and pace ⌛ to get things done. Do not compare yourself with what someone has already achieved, you never know, his/her resources may have been greater than yours. But what you can do is be confident in yourself and have some sort of plan ready, doesn’t matter if it’s completely vague, try to accomplish and attain them. Just remember that it’s okay if you don’t succeed the first time, at least you’re trying to find what works for you and what makes your heart content 💕.

By Dr. Shreya Joseph